Excited for Christmas

          Christmas is my favorite time of the year. Not only that it is a season of joy but it is also the reason I can use so I can get my hands on decorating our humble abode for this very special occassion, "ang babaw ng rason no?". But seriously, it is only then that my father would allow me in his teritory, "by the way sala is his teritory - where he eats, sleeps, and watch TV  and that's the reason why I couldn't arrange the chairs and tables accordingly. We'll I cannot reason out with him since he had a stroke already but he allow me every Christmas to decorate our house. Our special agreement as I always remind him every year -- "sa inyo ang sala mula 2nd week of January to 1st week of November, sa akin naman ang 2nd week of November to 1st week of January, kontrata natin yan 'de." I allow my father to do whatever is convenient to him in our sala after he had a stroke last 2008 but every Christmas he allows me to redecorate our sala, rearrange our wooden sofa and his favorite wooden sofa bed, and finally put on the Christmas tree in the corner, and here's the outcome:

Our New Arranged Sala

          I used the old christmas tree and decors but some of them we're already damage and doesn't look good anymore so I had to buy but just few decors to complete my traditional christmas tree. I bought 1 star (P25/), 3 poinsettia flowers ( P20/each), and two christmas runarounds (P25) just to complete the decor in my Christmas tree.

Dining Area

          I also bought new table runner (P199.75), microwave (P179.75) and blender cover (P129.75). I really love it and I was so excited to put it on. My mother sais, "Bakit ba nagmamadali ka ilagay yan, malayo pa Christmas." and I answered, "Ma, baka di ko magawa to pagtapos ng operation ko." so she just let me continue decorating last week.

        I am really excited this Christmas, who wouldn't be  if you have kiddos in the house like these two cuties here.

My six month old niece - Baby Sophia

My 2 year old nephew - Kuya Kenji

 Have a merry and wonderful Christmas everyone!

When Health Problem Strikes In : Part 2 -Second Opinion, Acceptance, Preparation and Second Thoughts

Second Opinion

           After four days of confusion and indenial I need to get my senses back, so we went back to the hospital at around 6am - the required time for patients in charity ward to fall in for social service and check up. I was interviewed first at social service office and was given a requirements (brgy certificate of indigency, certificate of no property in city assessors office, proof of billing and my brother's payslip) for it before we went to another OB check up. Another doctor checked me up and somehow my worries lessen a little bit - here are some of her words and medical diagnosis,:

        "Miss Grace, parang dermoid cysts sya medyo malaki talaga yan at napansin ko movable yung cyst mo kaya di mo siguro nakakapa noon kasi minsan nagtatago pero mas maigi na movable sya kasi possible na benign yan at hindi malignant. Pero still operation is required, to rule out the possibility of malignancy and another thing malaki na ang cyst mo kelangan tanggalin kasi me possibility gumalaw at ma-twist sa ovary, mas delikado yun pag nagkataon."

Acceptance & Preparation

         I was relieved but I can't be too complacent because I still need to undergo operation and find out what's that cyst inside me. Now that I have convinced my mind that I really need to undergo operation, I can say that am prepared mentally but not financially - 60k to 100k is still needed for the operation in charity ward atleast it lowered 50% than its initial estimated amount of 120k to 180k that was given to us but only If I'll be approve in social service.

          My mother was a bit pessimistic again and we were again arguing about it. She was saying, "kung kulang savings mo mangutang na lang tayo ng pandagdag para maoperahan ka agad" and I answered - "hindi yun ang punto at di dapat ganun agad agad ang decision, kapag nabaon tayo ng utang sa operation ko, anong isusunod nyo, wala pa naman akong trabaho? pano kung malignant? kung hindi naman pano ako makakarecover agad na alam kong naghahagilap kayo ng pera sa ibang gamot kong kailangan at sa mga susunod pang kailangan." My mother, got my point. I do understand that my mother is in panic, we know how mother's react when it comes to the needs of her children. But I remind her, "Ma, kelangan ko yung tatag at maayos na disposisyon nyo." Wag kayong mag-panic at mag "nega" agad."  I know my mother's strength as well as her weakness and I know she's a tough mom in dealing with these kind of problem.
       
          I was able to get Brgy Certificate of Indigency, my brother (our bunso) was able to get Certification of property from city assesor through his friend who works there and I was able to submit all the requirements after a week and was approved and given a blue card afterwards.
     
         The doctor then gave me requests for the laboratory exam (ecg, xray and blood chem) which are pre requisites for the operation. After complying with those lab exams I went to the other doctor to present the lab results for clearance and was already approved. I was then scheduled on Friday for operation and will be admitted at the hospital tomorrow Nov 30.
     Last Monday, I also brought my blood donors in compliance also for my operation, it was also the day I found out that I passed the licensure exam for teacher.

Second Thoughts

       To be honest, I am still having second thoughts on that operation even though another doctor gave me an unsolicited advice last week, "hey, you need to undergo operation to remove that cyst inside - "hindi na yan matutunaw - 12cm x 19 cm malaking cyst yan at kelangan matanggal. I've research for the dermoid cyst (hope it is really a dermoid cyst only)and I was surprised to find out something - funny because it can have teeth, hair, bone, thyroid, sebaceous content etc. but risky because it can rupture with spillage of greasy content and can create much more problem inside.
      I thought of laparoscopy operation but I know that it is much more expensive. I bought carica papaya extract, magoosteen capsule, and honey because I was still hoping that it can make my cyst smaller and I was dreaming that operation will not pursue but hell no, it will proceed as schedule. My mother knows that I am trying to make an alibi to cover my fear. Tomorrow is really "the day - to face my fear."

 Just sharing again.
This is my third blog post to publish today.
Forgive me guys, I need to keep my mind busy to forget my fear.

When Health Problem Strikes In : Part 1 - Medical Diagnosis

          Last month, after the house assessment, I was all prepared and geared up for job hunting again but something unpredictable happened to me and it has something to do with my health. I was having an early morning conversation with my mother when I noticed something...

          "Ma, nagdadalang tao yata ako,...este nagdadalang bukol pala - me nakapa akong bukol sa puson ko habang nakahiga ako. Tumayo agad ang nanay ko at kinapa sabay sabi." Ay lintek kang babae ka, magpa check agad tayo." Sagot ko, "Ma, pagtapos na nating magbayad  ng tax sa cityhall." pumayag naman sya.

          After two weeks, my mother pawned her necklace and gave me two thousand pesos and she told me, "Magpacheck up muna tayo bukas bago ka sumabak na naman ng apply ng trabaho." When my mother sounded mandatory I have no choice but to follow her so we went to the hospital the next day.

At the Hospital

        My mother always has this hypertensive/nervous feeling that she cannot control when she's at the hospital. I told her, "Kalma lang Ma, ako ang nagpapacheck up." Then OB-Gyne checked up the mass on the lower part of my abdomen and she instructed me to undergo ultrasound and come back immediately with the result. So I went back after two hours and gave her the result of the ultrasound . The smile on my face faded as the doctor explained to me the result of the ultrasound and her medical diagnosis...no beating around the bush just an straightforward and direct to the point explanation. Here are her words to me:

"Hija, makinig ka, may malignant new growth feature ang cyst mo sa left ovary mo, kelangan mo maoperahan agad at matanggal ang left ovary at bukol mo. Nakaantabay ang oncologist habang inooperahan ka para ma-examine agad yung bukol kung malignant talaga. Kung malignant tatanggalin lahat ng ovary mo pati uterus at magready ka agad sa apat na chemotheraphy para maagapan kung ovarian cancer yan pero kung hindi malignant isasara na kita agad." dere derecho di ba?

          I went blank that moment and my tears started falling, I can no longer hear the other words she's saying. I just heard my mother asking for the cost of operation and the doctor answered 120k to 180k. Then she asked me, do you have Philhealth? I answered, I do not have a job and I do not have Philhealth. Then the doctor called the secretary, referred me to the doctor from the charity ward and I was given some few instructions first before we head back home.

        On our way home, I was so silent because I couldn't accept the doctor's diagnosis & suggestion. My mind is in an indenial state that whatever explanation my mother gave me, I just oppose and disagree her. She kept on telling me not to think too much, we'll get through it or we'll find a way for that operation to happen. She was telling me also that it is okay to remove my ovary and uterus if it could save my life and I was telling her. -

      " Ma, madali mong sabihin yan, may pamilya ka na at nandito na kami ng anak mo pero ako wala pa ko pamilya at feeling ko pag tinanggal ang ovary at uterus ko senseless na akong babae. Kaya ng utak kong tanggapin ang rational na solusyon sa ganitong problema pero di kaya tanggapin ng sarili ko at lalo ng puso ko. Yun ngang ooperahan at bibiyakin ako di na kaya ng isip ko, yun pa kayang tatanggalin ang ovary at uterus at may chemotheraphy pang isinunod".  

          It was only an initial diagnosis but it really affected me. I can't sleep and I can't eat right for three days because I can't accept that this is really happening. Some of my friends in fb were giving suggestions like second opinion, herbal medicines like paragis, laparoscopy etc. but I am still saying to myself that maybe or probably something is wrong with the diagnosis but I always ended up defeated with the arguments happening inside my mind and that I have to face my problem and find a wise solution to it.

Not financially related, just pouring my thoughts and problems here.

Yes, I passed the LET!

          I was feeling kind of depressed lately because of my current health condition ( I'll write about it later) but I received a great news yesterday that totally changed my mood.

          I was sitting beside my mother at the hospital that day when I decided to open my fb and saw the greetings that one of my classmate passed the Licensure Examination for Teacher. I was happy for her but not for myself because I've set my mind not to expect anything, "ang hirap kasi talaga ng exam". Still curiosity knocks in, I searched for all the other names of my classmates,...including my name too.

          My mother started noticing me, "Ano ba yan kanina ka pa dutdut ng dutdut dyan sa cp mo."
I didn't mind my mother's words, I kept on searching until I stumbled upon my name and burst out these words, " S*** Ma, pumasa ako, pangalan ko yan di ba?... Sorry for the word "S"... I couldn't contain my emotion that moment. It was really unexpected, my mother checked my cp again, "Oo nga pangalan mo nga, naks lisensyadong teacher na anak ko, Biro mo nakapasa ka, sabi ka pa naman ng sabi na babagsak ka." Di ko talaga expect Ma, Thank God talaga!!! There were really tears in my eyes, tears of joy but I tried to hide it because there's a lot of people around us yesterday.

       This is a short and impromptu post, I published it first because I couldn't contain the happiness I am feeling right now --Lutang pa ko kahapon at ngayon pa lang nagsisink-in sa akin tong salitang to - YES, PASADO AKO SA LET!!! Proud Licensed Secondary Teacher - TLE Major!!!


 God Bless everyone!!!


P.S. Sorry I can't upload the screen shot of my name on the PRC list here.

Confession: I am a "Nagger Ate" at home

(Convo with my Brother)
Bunso: Ate, kelan ka mag-aaply?

Me: Pagka-graduate ko.

(After graduation)

Bunso: O ate, graduate ka na kelan ka mag-aapply?

Me: Pagtapos ng English training ko?

(After English training)

Bunso: Tapos na training mo 'te, kelan ka mag-apply?

Me: Pagtapos ng Japanese cuisine training ko.

(After Japanese cuisine training)

Bunso: Ate, kelan ka ba talaga mag-aapply?

Me: Patapusin mo muna board exam ko.

(After Board Exam)

Bunso: O ate, tapos na board exam mo, kelan ka mag-aapply?

Me: Papahingahin mo lang akong konti, mag-apply rin ako.

        Teka, bakit ba lagi ka nagtatanong?

Bunso: Eh, pano yan te', baka next year wala na ko trabaho, 

na-assign ako sa ibang department baka di ma-renew ang contract ko.

Me: (here's comes the nagger Ate)

"Yan yan na nga ba sinasabi ko kaya paulit ulit ako nagsasabi na

mag-ipon at paghandaan yang ganyang problema.

Alam mo na posibleng mawalan ka ng trabaho, di ka naghahanda.

Ano panggastos mo pag nawalan ka ng trabaho?
Pati pagbabayad ng utility bills ako na naman lahat.

Bago ko nawalan ng trabaho, nakaplano ako. Hindi pede ang ganyan, ilang taon ka na ba?

maging responsable ka naman sa buhay...etc. etc. etc......"

Bunso: Hay si ate, nag litanya na naman,...sige na ate pasok na ako sa trabaho, bye.

My mother looked at me and I just said, "Hinahigh blood na ako dyan sa mga anak mo Ma?
Ako lang ba dito sa bahay ang ganito ka-paranoid pag may mawawalan ng trabaho., noon si Kuya ngayon naman tong isa."

          I hate to admit that I am that kind of Ate in our house. Well, what can I do I have to. At times I felt that I am the only one who worries a lot over the possible financial problems that may arise. It is one of the reasons also why I decided to stay home and not look for a job. I want them to feel the real life situation today and not the fancy & luxury of malls of this modern day era. It's hard to mold their minds even if they are part of the family but I still try and hope that they will change.

          Life today is getting harder and more complicated as compared to the past and simple life we had before. I always remind my brother that "you cannot do something about your past but you can always prepare for your future" and that I think is what I want my brothers to realize and I hope they  will  soon.

How bout you?
Do you have that same kind of experience with your family?
Till then. Have a great day!