Sunday, December 10, 2017

When Health Problem Strikes In: Part 3 - Operation and Findings

Operation

        December 1, the day I faced my fear. I was brought to the operating room at 10am and the operation lasted for almost seven hours. Yes, I was in the operating room for almost seven hours and damn I woke up twice during the operation, "nagising, nakita at nadinig ko sila habang inooperahan ako". I was trying to voice out something but they couldn't hear but I managed to move my hands and the anaesthesiologist saw and gave me another shot to get me to sleep again. And when I woke up, I asked the nurse, is it total? and she nodded. I was brought out of the operating room and my cousin who is a nurse in that hospital assisted me and I asked her, " Ate, total ba?... Oo ging, total -nag rapture e? I saw my mother and my brothers from afar because my cousin wouldn't allow them to go near me because I might cry which is bad for someone who had undergone an operation.

         Though there were patients around me in that charity ward still I felt so alone and lonely. I have no complaints with regards to the services and facilities in that charity ward but one of the disadvantages there is that no relative or visitor is allowed inside. I wanted to cry but somehow I tried not to. While everyone wss asleep my mind is wandering, flashing back all the mistakes and memories that I had before. There's no one to talk to but to God only - asking Him what I have done wrong or what should I have to give up again. Honestly, I was kind of rebellious that night because I know there is something wrong with me that's why it took seven hours to finish the operation but I also know that there is a reason or purpose why I am still alive. I wanted the presence of my family especially my mother but I had no choice but to pray that the time pass by quickly so I can see my family.

Findings

          I managed to get some sleep and when I woke up my brother/bunso's already beside me and he asked me, what I want? I just smile since I can't still move and tell him, "dyan ka lang muna" and I hold his hands but after few minutes the nurse announced about the visiting hours so I told my brother to just go outside and have his breakfast.

         And then the doctor came,..."Miss. Grace, kumusta ka? nangalay ang paa ko kahapon, ang tagal natin, then I smiled and she continued, "I have to be honest to you, malignant yung cyst sa left ovary mo and nakadikit pa sya sa uterus mo so kailangan kong tanggalin lahat pati yung mga kulane sa paligid", Initially, nasa stage 1c yung cyst mo pero yung kalat nya we still need to find out about it."

       And so I have cancer but I don't have reaction when the doctor explained it to me.I just don't know what to think and what to say. I felt so helpless and senseless good thing my mother arrive and somehow I felt like a little child again. The nurse advice me to move my body little by little and my mother assisted me. Really thankful that my mother was there, her presence atleast gave me some comfort while trying to process what the doctor have said.


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