Quarantine Story Part 1 - My Story about Flood

     GOOD MORNING GUYS! How's everybody?

I know were all getting bored with this ECQ order.
I know were all afraid to get infected with Covid virus and yet most of us are still violating the rule.
I know most of us were complaining with the system and how this Bayanihan Act is being implemented.
I know its hard but let me share my story and try to compare it with the situation today.

     "When I was about 12 years old - that was more than three decades ago (hahah -napaghahalata ang edad no?), our house was submerge in flood for almost four days. It was raining ceaselessly and we were trapped inside the second floor of our house without food, water, electricity, no kitchen sink and bathroom too. The flood went up to almost 7ft high. I guess naiimagine nyo na yung sitwasyon noon na nasa taas ang kwarto tapos sa baba ang sala kusina at cr, then paggising nyo lumulutang na ang plato upuan, tabo, planggana pitsel etc. tapos unti unting tumataas ang baha na halos maabot na ang second floor. What makes the situation harder was my youngest brother was about a year old and milk was as essential as food and water itself. No help from the local government was extended to us. No one knows how to swim except my father. He had to swim for hours to borrow rice, sardines and gas from my ninang who owns a small sari sari store near our barrio. We had no drinking water so we had to fetch drinking water from the gutter/downspout connected to our roof, boiled it so we can consume it. The advantage that we had that time was there's malunggay, kamote tops and ampalaya planted and crawling upwards near our window. Am or rice water was used as a supplement for milk with malunggay extract. Kamote tops and ampalaya leaves were taken and washed directly from the rainwater, placed on top of the newly cooked sinaing along with sardines as our daily meals. Roasted rice was our substitute for coffee in the morning. We had no electricity, no internet and syempre since 80's era di pa naiimbento ang cellphones, tablets, laptop or computers and wala pa ring internet noon. Our portable radio was our source of information from the outside world and my baby brother was our only source of entertainment."

So what's the relevance of my story?

Back then, it was the flood that constraints us from going out and since we cannot swim we know that we might get drowned if an attempt to go out was made -- so we stayed inside.
Today, there's a law that requires us to stay inside our houses for our own welfare and we all know that if we get out of our houses the higher the possibility of acquiring the virus -- and yet we still go out.

Back then, we were unprepared when the flood hits us but we never blame the government for not providing foods in our table  because our parents knew that its their responsibility to provide for our needs.
Today, a social amelioration program/finance assistance for the poor were granted by the government and yet a lot of people were compaining and demanding for their rights to have it.

Back then, we have no water, no milk, no vitamins to keep us healthy but my parents found ways to sustain our health. We didn't criticize anybody for not extending any help to us.
Today, while a lot of frontliners are sacrificing their effort and lives people are rallying to criticize our government for not providing the help they need.

Back then, we have no source of communication, entertainment and information but we have news and songs from the radio, and most of all family to cheer us and keep us altogether.
Today, we have internet, flat tv screens, cellphones, tablets, laptops, netflix, tiktoks, facebook, instagram, twitter etc. as our past time tools to keep us occupied but you can see that most people are complaining with their boredom, blaming other people for their actions, spreading fake news, filling our thoughts with fear and negativity in social media. We have a lot of ways to be connected but I can still see people or families apart from each other but so much attached to their gadgets.

If we are going to analyze and compare the story that I had before with the situation that we had I think that we are so fortunate that our government is acting as a parent to keep us from acquiring this, for providing our needs and doing their best to discipline us all.

Let us be obedient, be united, be healthy and together we can all beat COVID.
Most of all let our faith and hope be our shield from this disease and Trust God completely that we will get through this crisis.

Have a great day and God Bless.

Ps. Pardon my grammar medyo alam kong palya na heheh.

My Share of Prayer Today

GOOD MORNING EVERYONE!

       This has been our everyday greetings with my neighbor who's been selling fried chicken on the streets. Sabi nya - "Negosyante tayo madam dapat laging good morning." O di ba, na-uplift yung morale ko kahit tindahan lang ang pinagkaka-abalahan ko, negosyante rin daw ako. So from now on, here in my blog you will always see that opening greetings to share that positive mood everytime I write a post here.

        First I want to apologize for not being around in this platform lately. After my battle with cancer and depression, little by little I felt that I lost my confidence in writing - in starting a new topic, in organizing my thoughts to create a more inspiring and meaningful post but today I'll try my best to create one.

      Anyway, my friend Malou who's friend also underwent chemo sessions (hope she's okay now) sent me an email asking for an update. It was only yesterday when I read the letter that made me decide to begin writing again. But since we have a corona pandemic crisis today, I decided to share a short conversation with my mother and a simple prayer instead of writing an update about my life. I wanted to give hope and encourage everybody to pray for God instead of spreading fear. Here it goes:

My mother asked me - "Di ka ba takot sa COVID -19?"
My answer is simple - "Why should I, cancer nga hinarap ko e."
"Kung oras ko na may magagawa ba ako kung kukunin na ako ni Lord."
Dasal na lang siguro tayo,..pero alam mo Ma naalala ko pa rin yung mga salita ni Dra.Bascara pagtapos ng operasyon ko.
          Sabi nya "We are all destined to die, all the people around you-the patients, the visitors even us doctors and nurses and even that new born child will suffer the same fate, we just don't know when, where or how but the why or your purpose here on earth will dictate the length of your stay...so know your purpose and fight your battle to fight cancer."

          It was a very powerful words that gave me strength while I was undergoing chemo treatment and I want to impart that short story and a simple prayer to everyone.
          
To fight covid let us spread love,positivity and prayers instead of fear - that’s our purpose today. Love God above else and pray for His mercy and compassion to humanity, for wisdom to touch the minds of those people working for the cure, to give strength and protection to all frontliners especially to our Doctors and Nurses, Military enforcers, and everyone risking their lives to secure us, to touch the “heart and mind” of all our elected government officials and barangay officials that they may be able to find ways to properly serve their community, to give hope to all patients that they will all be healed because they still have purpose here on earth, to protect us all from this virus, to encourage every Filipinos and the people around the world to pray and to have faith that we will all survive this crisis. Through God’s grace, wisdom, protection, provision and mercy - we will get through this crisis. Let us unite in prayers, “Pilipinas, Kaya natin to”, All these we ask through Christ our Lord.

          Again, fear and panic should not rule our lives today. Let us all be reminded of our purpose here on earth, follow the instructions of our authorities and have faith in God that we can all survive and defeat this virus.

Stay home and stay safe.
God Bless.

2020 - A Year of New Beginnings

           "Joy to the world, the Lord has come..."

           "Hark the Herald angel sing glory to the new born king..."

           As joyful and nostalgic as those songs may seem, we are all caught up between hello and goodbye every new year. While everyone was singing those songs with smile on their faces as we walked out the church last January 1, I noticed something on my mother's face.

          I asked her - "Ma, bakit?" She answered - "Grabe no, ang tagal na ng kantang yan pero ang sarap pa ring pakinggan, bata pa ko kasama ko pa ang tatay ko naririnig ko na yan, matanda pa yata sa akin yang kantang yan e, bilis talaga ng panahon." Somehow I felt both her joy and a pinch of sadness in her heart. Joy because we all have these childhood memories in our hearts every Christmas but there is still sadness because we know that we are all aging and our days are limited... and we both felt that. My mother is 71 years old and I'm nearing 45 with cancer cells inside my body just waiting to be reborn once it's triggered.  

          Year 2019 has been the toughest year for me. It has once again tested my endurance and faith to God as I have questioned HIM why  all those things had to happen. With God's guidance through some people constantly reminding me of God's grace, somehow I understand why those things had to happen. When you experience the saddest, the downest, the lowest point in your life there's no other way but to look up. I'm still on the process of healing and recovering but I'm okay now. I know that God has redirected my life last year to a better and brighter path in the coming years.

          So this year, all I want is a fresh start, a renewed heart to worship our Lord. No set of goals. No dreams to fulfill. Just a new beginnings for a new decade.

Gift from our Pastor

           With this bible verse Psalm 90:12, " Teach us to number our days that we may gain a heart of wisdom " let us be reminded that our days here on earth are numbered. We are once again given another new day to live, a new year to start, and another new decade to gain a heart of wisdom and to glorify God.

Happy New Year to all !!!

To God Be the Glory

P.S - my post about my battle on depression was put on hold for a while as I can't still hold back my tears whenever I write my experience about it.

How I Overcome Depression Part 1 - Understanding Depression

         Hello Philippines and Hello Blogging World!!!

It's been a while since I last wrote a post, "alam nyo naman may pinagdaanan tayo."

It took me a little while again to be at a right frame of mind to write another post here.

But before I get to my topic let me greet you all 

"A Blessed Merry Christmas and a Prosperous New Year."

and share to you a great news and an advance Christmas gift from God, 

"Nag clear na po ang CT Scan ko, CA 125 is in normal range level at pati Xray ko po clear na rin."

         My last post is about anxiety and depression that I went through for the last few months. It is actually an emotional pain which is twice more than the physical pain that our body can suffer whenever we experience it. Yes two times or more, simply because it takes both mental and physical resistance to battle our emotions. Most of the times, we actually know what is right and easily say what should be the right thing to do but our hearts can't actually accept that fact and our physical body won't respond with what our mind is telling us to do. True enough, I've been there-done that process.

g

        I usually say "Ano ba yan, ang tanga naman nya, ang sarap kayang mabuhay tapos sila magsu-suicide lang, eh mayaman naman sya, maganda rin at mayaman pa." or ano ba yan lalaki lang yan,? or ano ba yan ang babaw naman nya, para yan lang ang problema nya, or lastly, "Ang pangit pangit naman nya bakit mo sya iniiyakan?" Sorry for the harsh words but I was really that kind of person before. I have witnessed twice when somebody attempted suicide and I was speechless and couldn't say a word to them to encourage them because at the back of my head I was thinking, "ang bababaw naman nitong mga taong ito."

        That was before but when I experienced it three months ago - my point of view changed. When I learned about my boyfriend cheating on me and breaking up on him, somehow triggered all my frustrations and disappointments in life again, questioning GOD why it had to happen to me. I ask HIM what did I do wrong that I had to undergo all those sufferings. I was suffering silently and keeping everything all by myself. Getting up in the morning and taking a bath is so hard. I couldn't barely walk outside, whenever I look around it felt so lonely. I couldn't find any reason or purpose of my existence on earth as I have been telling God, "Lord, bakit di ko makita ang sarili ko, para saan pa?, para ano pa ang mabuhay? I couldn't sleep for a whole month & I couldn't eat for almost two months. My body weight lost almost 3 kgs and my mind has been restless since then. "Yung tipong lutang ka physically and mentally pero parang may nakadagan na sampung kilo sa dibdib , isang pitik lang sa akin tutumba na ko, paulit ulit yung feeling of worthlessness ko to the point na ipinagdarasal ko na kunin na ko ni Lord konti na lang mag-snap na yung utak at kapag nag-snap there's a possibility of losing my mind and myself also.

        Now I understand why there are people who suffer depression. It so hard to battle depression because the battle is inside YOU. You should fight your own emotion to reinforce your physical condition. Without food, sleep and other physical activity that our body needs, our mental state will definitely suffer giving into the worst emotion that can finally trigger our own self to give up on life.

      That's depression and it needs understanding first to know what we're going through and encouragement to support us as we go to the process of healing.

      This is purely base on my personal experience and I hope it can help others to understand what a person is going through in times of depression.

Till then.

Have a great day ahead!

God Bless Everyone.

More than the Physical Pain

       After my surgical operation and chemotherapy sessions I actually went into depression and anxiety. I've been fighting my own feelings not to feel bad about my condition. During those days, I sometimes felt that everything was worthless, senseless and pointless in life. I wanted to find God's purpose in life but at the same time I was also seeking my own. I was also anxious about my health condition - the fear of reccurence often triggers my own sadness. I wanted to get busy and that gave me an idea to run a sari sari store. At first I was happy that little by little I was getting financially productive not realizing that I was also compromising my health and my lovelife as well.
   
     Yes po my lovelife po ako, it was a long distance relationship which was moved to another level when my OB Gyne advised me that it would be best if I get pregnant but it didn't happen. When I was diagnosed with cancer my whole world went upside down. I was pushing him away telling him--"pede mo na akong iwan, pede ka ng humanap ng iba."  But He insisted- "andito lang ako, mahal na mahal kita basta pagaling ka." I hold on to his words and we were constantly chatting after one year but last year I became quite busy with my sari sari store and unintentionally neglected most of his messages  and his calls.
Subconsciously in my head I was actually testing him, how patient he can be and how far his love would go for me. We had a different religion which was primarily the reason why our relationship was not moved to the next level. We respect each others belief as he would let me go to Quiapo church while He waits outside. He wanted to accompany me to Manoag but often rejected his offer to go there. I would pray to God, "Kung di sya para sa akin, ikaw gumawa ng paraan."

       And then it happened, I notice something different in his attitude last month - "Sabi ko, may bago sa yo". We've been in a relationship for almost 8 years, he's a seaman and usually 3-6 months lang sya dito so most of the time long distance relationship kami. At nung nagka-cancer ako that was also the time na nagkaron ng heart illness ang tatay nya at lupus ang kapatid nya so financially he was not able to support me but he was there for me all through out my treatment bringing fruits and supplements in our house." But I felt something different talaga and when I confronted Him sabi nya nagkaron ng iba pero tapos na raw, sabi nya ako raw ang may kasalanan kasi pinagtutulakan ko sya. And I felt guilty about it so I asked him to compromise but I received no response from Him. 

     I suffered both emotionally and psychologically, I couldn't eat and sleep for a month thinking it was my fault kaya lumayo ang loob nya sa akin. But last Satiurday, I found out something in his FB account. Meron na nga talagang iba, I felt so devastated and the pain is unbearable talaga. 
More than the physical pain that I felt when I underwent surgery and chemotherapy is what I have been suffering today. Sobrang sakit and I often pray to God na matanggal na ang sakit na nararamdaman ko. This time my depression went back,- the feeling of being worthless, senseless and pointless in life is inside my head again.
 
      It's hurting so deep that I've been silently crying for a month and last week my mother already noticed what I've been going through. In my head I wanted to set him free but in my heart I wanted to win him back. My mother convinced me that I have to give him up, that I have to let him go, he was able to do it once he will do it again. "Anak, mas mahalin mo ang sarili mo, hindi sya ang forever mo ako na nanay mo ang forever mo ang magmamahal sa yo hanggang sa dulo." "Hayaan mong ang Diyos ang magbigay sa yo ng lalaking tunay na magmamahal sa yo."

     Today, my health was affected by the emotional and psychological stress that I've experienced for a month. I was so thin that My body weight went down to 45 kgs already. A polyps in  my gallbladder was seen in ultrasound. CT Scan, CA125 and X-ray we're required to be done next month. I hope that my health condition will not worsen and pray for best results.

     "Ang lungkot talaga ng nararamdaman ko ngayon" and it's the reason why I wrote this blog. I couldn't conceal the pain inside, I need some release. Medyo magulo po ang write ups ko, magulo rin po kasi ang utak ko. pagpacenciahan nyo na po.



Till then!