208
Yes 208 - that's the total number of blog posts I had from year 2014 to year 2021. I just couldn't believe that I was able to write those posts since the day I started my "PINAY MINIMUM WAGER JOURNEY" blog. Backreading my previous posts somehow brought me back to the days when I was just starting to redirect my life into a more productive and fulfilling days while working as a minimum wager employee."Nakakatuwang balikan lahat ng posts ko." From setting a simple goal to a more complex one and achieving goals year after year- it was such an amazing journey. For three years (2014-2017) I have achieved a dream that I once thought I never would. That feeling when I stepped up on the stage as I received my diploma was so overwhelming and overflowing with joy that up until I can still feel the fragments of it. It was a difficult journey but I have learned to embrace the challenges as I go through it.
That was the happiest chapter in my life..."Sabi nga nila -kung gaano ka kasaya ganun din daw ang katumbas ang lungkot na kapalit nito." Admittedly, I am one those people who believe in that saying. The next chapter (2017-2018) was the hardest part of my life. When I was diagnose with cancer - it was the darkest day of my life. My heart couldn't accept it but I had no choice but to face it with the right frame of mind. I was fortunate enough that God made an amazing works in providing both my financial and medical needs through the kindness and generosity of the people around me. Again, I have overcome that challenge but what I thought was the hardest - the saddest chapter came (2019-2021). "Dun na ko halos naubos talaga." I almost lost myself. As I was starting my life again, a life that I thought was a redirection to a person whom I thought had shown true affection with an intention of sharing his life with me forever was indeed a fake one "walang forever talaga". I couldn't eat and sleep for 2 weeks. I couldn't control my own thinking I was drowned with all the negativity that I couldn't see the light at the end of the tunnel. The more I suppress my own feeling the more I get drowned, I was so weak that I couldn't fight anymore. I would be a hypocrite, pretending I am fine but on the inside I'm slowly dying. I needed time to heal myself. That's the reason why I stop writing.
Depression is real. I didn't seek any professional help but I knew its depression -the after effects of my Big C battle. It was really hard that there came a point when I wanted to die right away. I couldn't see the point of moving on with my life but I managed to hold on to my sanity and remember the promise of God. I decided to just go on with the flow of life. What I thought was the reason of my depression (the betrayal of my partner) was only the triggering factor for all the difficulties, worries and frustrations I had gone through all my life. I needed to understand my own self, to study all the disappointment I had since childhood, telling my story over and over again with tears flowing until such time that I became tired of it. "Pinagsabihan na ko ng nanay ko, para daw akong sirang plaka, tumigil ka na- HINDI IKAW YAN'. Para akong nakatikim ng malakas na sampal "Oo nga no, nasan nga ba ung dating ako." That was my starting point.
Year 2022, is the year of my "Second Chance" of living my "Second Life". I started the year by not taking my life too seriously. Why pressure myself - oks lang, ganun din naman, mahirap o mayaman, successful o hindi, parang parehas lang naman." There were toxic days when I would impose something to my brothers so that in the future they'll be the responsible enough to handle the future challenges in our family but to no avail they couldn't get it or they just don't like the idea or the responsibility that goes with it. I would then again remind myself - "oks lang yan, no pressure, kalma lang pero umiiyak pa ako pagkatapos".There were days also when I would feel a sudden loneliness and then I would pray, a little more time to heal Lord, "kaya ko to". Another prayer I ask God was to bring back the simple joys in my life. "Yung parang bata lang na may simpleng kaligayahan." and thankful that it was granted.
True enough, as what the bible says in Ecclesiastes 3:1-8 -There is a time for everything;
1"For everything there is a season, and a time for every [a]purpose under heaven: 2 a time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up that which is planted; 3 a time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up; 4 a time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance; 5 a time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together; a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing; 6 a time to seek, and a time to lose; a time to keep, and a time to cast away; 7 a time to rend, and a time to sew; a time to keep silence, and a time to speak; 8 a time to love, and a time to hate; a time for war, and a time for peace."
God Bless Everyone! Have a great day ahead!
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