Back to My Realization

            Hi guys! Good morning bloggers!I  know that some of you are wondering why I stopped posting about my life updates lately. I actually lost my interest in writing - It's just that for me - "It doesn't make sense at all". I cannot find a sensible topic where I can "walk my talk". I had more than 10 drafts but I couldn't finish any of them. My life became like the song " Que Sera Sera - (whatever will be, will be), no dreams to pursue, no goals to achieve, nothing to look forward to - just living an ordinary life with my family and friends is enough until...something happened to my niece (daughter of my cousin) that hit me hard again both emotionally and mentally.

        

            She was only 21 years old when she was diagnosed with ovarian cancer stage 1c (we both have the same cancer stage) last year. She was rushed to a public hospital where she underwent surgery (left ovary removed). As her mother narrated- after the operation she was so optimistic as she signed an agreement that a group of student doctors will do a research on her, she was full of hope saying - "Gagaling naman ako Ma, okay lang."

           Sadly, the first set of chemo drugs (3 cycles of chemo session) didn't work out on her (tumor marker went up). The second set of chemo drugs (same drugs that was administered to me) didn't work also (tumor marker went higher). On the third chemo drugs that was administered to her, di na nya kinaya bumigay ang lungs nya." She died.

           When I attended her wake, her mother was sharing the experience they had to go through just to have a free drugs and hospitalization but with utmost regret on her last session saying "Sana di na lang nila tinuloy, alam na nilang matindi ung line 3 na gamot, tinuloy pa rin, nagtuturuan, papalit palit ng doctor, pagkagraduate ng doctor iba na naman , parang walang nakatutok na doctor e, antay lang kami kung kelan tawagan. Sana di ko na lang siya pinachemo-tumagal pa sana ang buhay nya- nakapag enjoy pa sana at napakain ko pa sana sya ng gusto nyang pagkain." One of the last few words my niece utter before she died that day was -" Ma, papatayin yata talaga ako ng mga doctor dito."

            It really broke my heart when I learned that she passed away as I was mentoring and encouraging her to fight her illness and assuring her that she will be healed since her cancer was in an early stage pa. A day before her chemo, I was just chatting with her, then a day after her chemo , she passed away-It was so sudden. Listening to her mothers' story I felt really sad and I was crying silently because I couldn't imagine how my niece was able to bear the pain knowing that the doctors lack focus on her situation. I got nothing against doctor practicing their profession in a public hospitals, it's just that I also know how hard it was to battle cancer with all the pain that she had gone through - from the side effects of the drugs- the balding of the hair was the most obvious but the easier one for me, the hardest part was the whole process-the needles, the blood transfusions, the laboratories, the unexplainable pain inside physically, emotionally and mentally. I do understand that our country lacks medical workers and how hard their job is but my sympathy right now belongs to my poor niece. If I were in her situation I wouldn't be able to face my illness with such courage.

            Her mother told us that Allea never blamed God since the beginning of her battle to cancer and continued to hold on to her faith until the last moment. With high hopes of healing, she had lots of plans and dreams ahead but time was not on her side anymore. I praise and admire her courage. As for me, I guess I need to rewire and retune my life again. Some of the old me was lost while starting my new life after my battle with cancer.

            As for Allea, thank you so much dear for bringing me back to my realization - that life is a gift and not a right. Knowing how kind, obedient and responsible daughter she was "sobrang bait daw talaga ng batang yun", I guess God made sure to secure "His angel".

            As for the medical system in our country, I hope that our government will give more focus on improving it and as for the doctors and medical workers I pray that God will continue to bless them with more strength and wisdom in attending the medical needs of Filipino people.

            Thank God for giving me another time and opportunity to live my life again and making me realize its value. God bless everyone. Have a great day ahead!

             

PS. For respect and privacy of my deceased niece - I prefer not to post our photo here but if we are friends in facebook you can see her in my account.