Big "C" Battle: Recovery & After Effects of Chemo

          "Cancer free", I thought I will be hearing those words from my oncologist just like what I've been hearing from the news of those celebrities who also battle this illness but instead my doctor told me that she cannot assure me that there will be no recurrence and that I should always be watchful of my health and be aware of some symptoms like fever, cough, or change in bowel movement. I was warned of some symptoms of recurrence but not the after effects - "akala ko ok na ko pero matindi rin pala ang after effects nito." Here are some after effects that I've experience these past two months:     

Brain Fog
         There's been a lot of attempts to write another post and drafts but as much as I want to write something I just can't seem to do it. No matter how hard I try to start a topic, create an outline or just merely tell a simple story, my mind would always go blank. I have trouble finding the right words to type on my keyboard and sometimes I would forget some things I wanted to do - "yung tipong may kukunin o gagawin ako tapos pagtalikod ko nakalimutan ko kung ano ang kukunin o gagawin ko". It took me more than two months to organize my thoughts & finish this post. I know I'm not good in grammar but I think it's getting worse these days. So I searched if there's side effect of chemo related to it and found out that it is called "chem fog or brain fog" one of the side effects of chemotheraphy. I know my brain cells are declining now (after chemo drugs destroyed it) and I'm trying to bring it up again and looking for ways to do it.

Joint Pains
         A lot of attempts were done to wake up early to jog around our area and do some stretching and exercise afterwards outdoor but my joint pains preventing me from doing those things. I am experiencing a terrible pain on my neck, shoulder, back, pelvic and all other joints in my body especially in the morning (daig ko pa ang matandang may matinding rayuma, ang hirap tumayo, hirap umupo, bumangon, etc). I'd wake up as early as 3am and because of those pains I had a hard time going back to sleep again. So I went to the hospital for check up and found out that it is also a "neuropathic (nerve damage)" side effect of chemo. I was given a prescription medicine called "Pregabalin" to lessen the pain but after three weeks of taking it, the pain is still there. Based on the article I've read these joint pains will persist from three months to more than a year. I don't want to go back to the doctor so right now I'm doing some morning stretchings inside my room and "hot water in pail" theraphy in the evening - I don't know what it's called "yung ibinababad ang paa sa mainit na tubig sa balde or planggana-old skul no?". I've been doing it for three nights and hopefully, it'll work.

Acid Reflux
          I was drinking some boiled/ extract of turmeric and ginger during and after chemo thinking that its good for my health but it became the cause of my hyperacidity. It got worse after I did a "no carb, no fruits, no sweets, and no rootcrops diet" so I went to the doctor again and was prescribed with "Panto Plus and Gaviscon". The doctor informed me it is also common for a patient like me. I was advised not to go on diet again and not to eat some foods that could worsen my stomach acidity. I am watching my food intake now and praying my stomach acid will calm down because I do not want to go to the doctor and take another meds again.

Emotional & Psychological Health
        I know I should enjoy life, be happy and always be thankful but to be honest sometimes I can't do it. I have worries and some sleepless nights as I have been battling my own self, my own negativity and trying to figure out what's in store for me in the future (btw, I have chronophobia or fear of future"). Sometimes I cry when fear of cancer recurrence strikes in. My self esteem is so low that there are times that I cannot see the positive things in my life anymore and I do not know how to start a new chapter of my life again. I learned that cancer patients usually have these kind of emotional and psychological problems. So after feeling so down again last week, I open my laptop and went back to blogging again. It is my form of theraphy where I can pour out my thoughts most especially my emotions so forgive me guys for being "so nega sometimes" about my situation because after writing I feel good inside. I also start reading and writing some bible verses in my notebook again to combat my pessimist attitude.

         I know I'm on my way to recovery and it's not an easy process but I know that God will help me get through it again and in time He will lead & lighten my way.

¹³ Consider what God has done:

Who can straighten
    what he has made crooked?
¹⁴ When times are good, be happy;
    but when times are bad, consider this:
God has made the one
    as well as the other.
Therefore, no one can discover
    anything about their future.

Ecclesiates 7:13-14

THANK YOU FOR READING AND HAVE A BLESSED WEEK AHEAD!!!