"BIG C" Battle : Bald me... Having emotional struggle

         Sorry, I haven't been able to update my blog lately. There's this roller coaster emotion I've experienced these past few weeks that's been keeping my mind from writing anything on this blogsite.

        Everyday, lots of my hair is losing especially when I'm taking a bath, combing my hair and even just by merely stroking it. Hair falls are present everywhere so after my laboratory check up last month, I went to the salon to get my hair shaved and it really felt light, hahah.

         Yes, it felt good - no more hair scattered around my pillows, floors and bathrooms but though it felt good it doesn't feel right. That day, I was looking at the mirror and suddenly my emotion fell down. I cried because it seems I am not the one in front of the mirror. I keep on asking myself - is it really me? I tried to look good by buying head dress or bandana (I don't know if it is the right term) and put it on whenever I go outside our house. Sometimes I forgot to put on my bandana, kids we're teasing me outside but my niece and nephew can still recognize me and it gladdens my heart more.

      Whenever I'm left alone at home I cried but I tried to look happy and pretend to be strong when I'm in front of my family especially with my mother. But whenever I have time to chat with my best friends I poured out my heart and feelings to them just to release the emotional pain I've been going through inside.

      Sorry, this blog has been my form of release for a long period of time and I just can't believe that I am experiencing this kind of emotion right now. But then I have to face and accept the fact and be able to handle this emotional and psychological struggle.
    
      Well, - I am still beautiful - no matter what they say, words can bring me down, hahah, kinanta na lang di ba. One of my friends in fb, commented -" mala Sinnead O Connor and dating" - and replied to his comment - "ok, pag-aaralan ko na ring bumirit ng kantang "Nothing Compares to U".

     Anyway, I am still the same Grace inside. Though sometimes I can't bear the feelings inside me I know that God will always help me get through it.


Till then.
God Bless.

"Big C" Battle : Got my PWD ID

          I was inspired by the stories of some cancer patients in onco unit that I decided to get my PWD ID too. I know that my immune system will eventually weakened but that doesn't mean it will stop me from doing what I needed to do - to apply for that ID.

         "During my first chemo session, I got a piece of advice from a breast cancer patient - "get a Person with Disability ID, it was a big help to me while I was filing my PCSO requirements." I asked her," What are the benefits?" and she just answered, "it has the same benefits with the senior citizen ID." This PWD ID will give less 20% from the hospital bill, less 12% VAT and 20% discount from the medicines, another discounts from the foods, transportation, groceries etc. But the most important benefit that I want in this ID is that it gives priority especially in riding a jeepney or any other form of  transportation and transactions too which is really a big help to a cancer patients like us.

       It captured my interest and so we went to Taguig City Hall - Persons with Disability Affairs (PDAO) office to file for it. I only submitted 4 requirements - photocopy of Barangay Clearance/Indigency, Medical Abstract/Certificate, 1x1 ID picture and then fill up their application form. Then I was interviewed by their Officer in charge and told him that I really need it for my hospitalization and in less than an hour my ID & booklets were given to me.

      So here's goes my new PWD with Purchase booklets & ID.


         God is really good. He's really showing me ways to lessen my burdens. 

Always - "To God be the glory."

Till then! Have a great weekend guys!

"BIG C" Battle : Life goes on - PICC Registration & Oathtaking

      They call cancer the "Big C" illness - big word. I don't know why but it seems when a person have cancer it feels like its the end of the world already - and that's what I felt when I found out I have cancer last year but life goes on for me. The doctor told me to stay away from public places since my immune system will be weakened by the chemomeds and my defense against other illness is down but still I want to continue living my life.   
       
     Everyone who is reading my blog posts knows that one of my ultimate dream goal is to finish a degree course and to pass the licensure exam but part of that completion my goal is to attend the oathtaking and registration to get my license card. Though I was not allowed to, I told my mother I want to go to PICC where the registration & oathtaking will be held (though not the ceremony anymore). I told her that I want to experience the fruit of my hardship before I lose all my hair, hahah "talagang inisip ang sitwasyon ng buhok."

         But it's the truth, I want to do all the things I want do before I lose all my hair. It's part of the side effect of my chemo treatment. I know that eventually my immune system will also be weakened and the more I will not be allowed to go to public places. I told my mother to let me live a normal life and let me do things I want to do before my second chemo and my wish was granted.

      I met classmates last January 19 and I was so happy. They willingly sacrifice the actual oathtaking ceremony to be with me. That day I was a student, a classmate and a friend who loves reminiscing about how we missed our college life, our review weekends in CBRC, our experience during let exams and our excitement when we found out that we passed the board exam. For one day I forgot that I am sick and I was really happy that I passed that licensure exam and I believe that God has a purpose for letting it happen.

Here are some few clips of my one day event in PICC:





with my classmates :)
       
         It's a wonderful experience in life being with my great friends. you will really appreciate the moment of it and I think God is letting me enjoy my life, it's one thing that I realize that day -"not to worry too much about the future and just let GOD do the rest in our lives.

 Always "To God be the Glory".

Battle Against Cancer : PCSO Interview & Free Chemo Meds

        We went to PCSO last Dec 19 to file the requirements needed for free chemo drugs and was scheduled for interview last January 16. Initially my plan was to send my mother and my brother as my representatives since I think that my physical condition is not ready to face the commuter-PUV world out there and my immune system is not strong anymore as it was before. But while I was giving them some instructions arguments started, "ang hirap ng parehong highblood magsama, heheh" and so I decided to go to PCSO instead of my Kuya. As much as possible, I do not want to worry about the health condition of my family while I am on the process of chemo treatment - my father had a stroke already, my mother had kidney problems, hypertensive and problem with her reproductive organs too and my kuya is hypertensive also.

      And so my mother and I went to PCSO, we woke up at 3am and at 4:30 am we were at PCSO Lung Center Quezon City. "Grabe ang haba ng pila!?!" The volume of the people that day were thrice the number of people we saw last December and I was lucky that my mother managed to fall in line in senior/pwd special lane and I was one of first ten to be given an interview pass. But 4 hours had passed and more than 20 person were called still I haven't heard my name. I started to get upset then I went to the guard near the social worker area and politely ask if he can check if there's a problem with my papers and he just told, "wala ma'am problema yan, antayin nyo lang ang pangalan nyo." So I went back to my seat but I still felt that maybe there's something wrong with my papers and so I went to the guard and he just answered again, "marami kayo ma'am, antay lang po." Still not contented with his answer, I went back to him -"impossible kuya, kasama ako sa first 10 na tinawag paki check naman." and so he went inside, ask who handles my name and told me, "ma'am wala talagang response paantay na lang."

       I was kind of frustrated that time and part of the chemo side effects to me was on my emotional control/stability. I easily cry and gets upset and when my mother noticed the tears in my eyes she just told me,"hayaan mo na pasasaan din matatawag din tayo." And so we waited, I just turn on my fb and saw the message from my classmate who's husband died of cancer, "Tiyaga lang Grace, ganyan talaga sa PCSO mababait naman social worker dyan at worth it ang pag-aantay mo dyan kasi malaki ang maitutulong talaga nila sa mga taong in need na katulad natin." True enough, after 30 minutes my name was called and was approved with five chemo drugs set worth P18,300/set financial assistance after the interview. I was also given a special index card for cancer patient so I won't experience anymore the hassle and struggle of filing for every chemo drugs request.

     We were then advised to wait until 3pm for its release but the weather that day was not so good - it was kind of hot in the morning and the rain fell down in the afternoon. It was already 3:30pm when my approved papers was released. It was still raining and traffic was starting to occur in sight. We decided to head back home instead of going to PHILCOA where the chemo meds can be redeemed. It would be harder for us to commute from QC to FTI when rush hour in EDSA steps in.

     I was really tired that day but thankful I didn't catch any sickness and managed to get a really deep sleep at night, my first deep sleep after my chemo. God is really good, so thankful to HIM for my free chemo drugs and to PCSO as well. I will only be saving for the remaining laboratories and hospital bill every chemo session.

OBSERVATIONS
    While we were waiting, I started observing and talking to some people around me. Some people will share their stories. Some people are eager to share what they know when they hear you ask something. Some people will simply smile at you. Some people will still smile at you eventhough you feel that they are also in pain (may cancer at nag-dialysis kasi yung ibang nag-aantay dun). What captured my attention was the group of women who seemed to have no worries while waiting for their names to be called for the guarantee letter, dialysis and chemo meds assistance. They were laughing, eating biscuits & squash seeds as if they were having a picnic and conversing to each other as if they have no problems at all. "Bilib talaga akong magdala ang Pinoy, matatag at nakukuha pang ngumiti at magsaya kahit matindi na ang problema, ganyan tayo e." I guess that's one of the Filipino traits I can truly be proud of.

             MAG-COMMENT NAMAN LAHAT NG MGA PINOY NA AGREE DYAN!!!


Till then. Have a great day!
Promise I will write about the medical assistance I received from these government institution so I can also help those in need who doesn't have any idea about it.
God Bless everyone!!!
     

Battle Against Cancer : Taking Natural Anti Cancer Foods

          It's my fifth day today after my chemo theraphy and it's also my last day that I'll be taking the prescribed meds (dextramethazone and prazil - I forgot what they are for but I think one of it is for nauzeau or vomiting I guess) given by my onco and I don't know yet what will be the full effect of my chemo meds tomorrow. My fingers are feeling a little numb lately, little bit of nauzea, feeling weak but I tried to preserve my strength after doing things but what really bothers me are my restless nights. I already took vitamins to counter it still my mind cannot settle at night and I am always awake at 3am. So forgive me for writing more often on this blog these coming days about my daily activities, routes and plans while I try to organize some of my thoughts also.

Natural Anti Cancer Foods:

Turmeric: Before my chemo treatment, we saw these fresh turmeric at the market and my mother told me," Maganda yan alam ko anti cancer daw yan at gamot sa rayuma yan." Little did I know it has lots of health benefits, anti oxidants and anti cancer agent -based on the articles I read.
        And so we bought it, and I've been boiling finger size turmeric and taking it alternately with guyabano leaves.
boiled turmeric
Guyabano Leaves: Guyabano fruits are highly recommended as anti cancer fruit but they are hard to find in the market today and so I resorted to our plant. I've been taking 5 leaves every other day to my guyabano plant in "paso" since I started my chemo. Although it is less researched, I still find it helpful as I go through the process of medication today
boiled guyabano leaves
        Tried to follow the advice here on net and some advice from the oldies here and been apologizing to our plant everytime I get some leaves from it, hahah...just for the meantime while I dont have guyabano fruits :).

Malunggay Leaves: It is advantageous that I am here in the Philippines because there are lots of nutritious veggies around to eat and one suggested anti cancer veggie that is abundant in our area is Malunggay. Though I do not have enough space to plant for it I try to insert it in every possible area where I can plant it. I already have three plants planted in front of our house - the first one is getting "kalbo" again because it has always been part of our daily meal but the second and third one were planted last January one and I'm seeing little sproutings around already. Taking extra care on my plants because the kids in our area loves to play around in front of our house.
My malunggay plants & guyabano plant (second plant in paso from left--konti na lang po ang dahon nila)
Saging na saba: Another tip I got from my mother is saging na saba, and that I need to eat it uncooked. She bought 1 kilo of it last Wednesday. I haven't eaten it uncooked yet. I've been taking extra careful not to get upset stomach as it may trigger vomiting which I really do not want to experience right now. I haven't got any anti cancer properties research from it but a lot of people are highly suggesting it as part of my daily diet.

Carrots and squash: Orange veggies are also highly recommended with anti cancer properties and carrots and squash are always part of our meal but I am planning to have a blended carrots alternately with turmeric and guyabano since it has an impressive benefits against cancer too.

FINAL THOUGHTS

        As what my classmate in Canada said to me last week. " I am fortunate that I live in the Philippines for there were lots of vegetables available in the market and in our surroundings as well. "Talbos ng kamote, saluyot, kalabasa, kangkong, malunggay, okra, talong, ampalaya, brocolli, carrots, tomatoes pandan and other leafy green vegetables are abundant in our market and I am thinking of planting some of it vertically since I have no space available in our house today.

P.s. Some people were suggesting some artificial supplements but for now I prefer to go on natural foods first. Some also suggested that I should not go on chemo and just take their supplements only but can't take that risk? It's cancer inside my body that I need to kill right?

Just pouring my thoughts again. Till then!
God Bless everyone :)