LIfe's Update 2022

             GOOD MORNING PHILIPPINES! HELLO BLOGGING WORLD!

How are you guys! I know that most of my co-bloggers/readers here are doing great as two of them are my facebook friends already, Edel & Mylene,, yey! Well, It's been a while since I last wrote here, so medyo nakakapanibago din. I took a chance also to rearrange the layout my site just a little but to my dismay some gadgets contents were lost :(. But it's okay, I'm here again regaining this hobby of mine back into this platform again. So here's a little glimpse of my life today.

*MY HEALTH - I am so much grateful that inspite of the depression and hardships I have gone through these past few years after my chemo, my tumor marker is always within the normal range except for some small nodules on my breasts, polyps and stones in my gall bladder. I always make sure that a regular check ups and monitoring on its size is done every 6 months, " bawal mapraning kakaisip at bawal pumalya sa ultrasound and Ct Scan" but other than that - I'm good. Thank God for my second chance in life.

*MY FINANCIAL STATUS - " Unemployed up to this date (did not pursue the job I applied last year) "nasanay na kong hawak ang sariling oras.", But even if my income from my sari sari store and house rental is way below the minimum wage I had before, I feel so blessed pa rin." Sometimes when you have so little, you'll have a lot more to be thankful with.

*MY  SAVINGS and INVESTMENTS - I pulled out all my shares in FAMI and SOLDIVO, used some of it and invested the rest in PagIBIG fund. Yes po, I continued my Pag ibig Mp1 voluntary contribution and P2 savings. I've also withdrawn some in PHILEQUITY and minimum shares were left. I've nothing against mutual funds and stocks but time is very essential in long term investing. Given my situation, it's not wise for me to invest long term anymore. The probability of being alive for 20 years or more is very unsure,"how morbid no?", but that's the reality of life. 

*MY SPENDING HABITS - that's the amazing part, a lot of it changes after Big C battle and when covid pandemic hits us, "mas wais at kuripot na po ako ngayon talaga" in spending on my needs than my wants. My wants became my simple joys as I have prayed to God to bring back the little joys I had back in my childhood days and glad it was granted. (I'll be writing a post about it).

So here I am now, I'm well and able. Sharing my life's story and updates again. All thanks to the mercy and grace of GOD. 

GOD BLESS EVERYONE. HAVE A GREAT DAY AHEAD!

Backreading my Posts, Backtracking my Life

208 

                 Yes 208 - that's the total number of blog posts I had from year 2014 to year 2021. I just couldn't believe that I was able to write those posts since the day I started my "PINAY MINIMUM WAGER JOURNEY" blog. Backreading my previous posts somehow brought me back to the days when I was just starting to redirect my life into a more productive and fulfilling days while working as a minimum wager employee."Nakakatuwang balikan lahat ng posts ko." From setting a simple goal to a more complex one and achieving goals year after year- it was such an amazing journey. For three years (2014-2017) I have achieved a dream that I once thought I never would. That feeling when I stepped up on the stage as I received my diploma was so overwhelming and overflowing with joy that up until I can still feel the fragments of it. It was a difficult journey but I have learned to embrace the challenges as I go through it.

                That was the happiest chapter in my life..."Sabi nga nila -kung gaano ka kasaya ganun din daw ang katumbas ang lungkot na kapalit nito." Admittedly, I am one those people who believe in that saying. The next chapter (2017-2018) was the hardest part of my life. When I was diagnose with cancer - it was the darkest day of my life. My heart couldn't accept it but I had no choice but to face it with the right frame of mind. I was fortunate enough that God made an amazing works in providing both my financial and medical needs through the kindness and generosity of the people around me. Again, I have overcome that challenge but what I thought was the hardest - the saddest chapter came (2019-2021). "Dun na ko halos naubos talaga." I almost lost myself. As I was starting my life again, a life that I thought was a redirection to a person whom I thought had shown true affection with an intention of sharing his life with me forever was indeed a fake one "walang forever talaga". I couldn't eat and sleep for 2 weeks. I couldn't control my own thinking I was drowned with all the negativity that I couldn't see the light at the end of the tunnel. The more I suppress my own feeling the more I get drowned, I was so weak that I couldn't fight anymore. I would be a hypocrite, pretending I am fine but on the inside I'm slowly dying. I needed time to heal myself. That's the reason why I stop writing. 

            Depression is real. I didn't seek any professional help but I knew its depression -the after effects of my Big C battle. It was really hard that there came a point when I wanted to die right away. I couldn't see the point of moving on with my life but I managed to hold on to my sanity and remember the promise of God. I decided to just go on with the flow of life. What I thought was the reason of my depression (the betrayal of my partner) was only the triggering factor for all the difficulties, worries and frustrations I had gone through all my life. I needed to understand my own self, to study all the disappointment I had since childhood, telling my story over and over again with tears flowing until such time that I became tired of it. "Pinagsabihan na ko ng nanay ko, para daw akong sirang plaka, tumigil ka na- HINDI IKAW YAN'. Para akong nakatikim ng malakas na sampal "Oo nga no, nasan nga ba ung dating ako." That was my starting point.

               Year 2022, is  the year of my "Second Chance" of living my "Second Life". I started the year by not taking my life too seriously. Why pressure myself -  oks lang, ganun din naman, mahirap o mayaman, successful o hindi, parang parehas lang naman." There were toxic days when I would impose something to my brothers so that in the future they'll be the responsible enough to handle the future challenges in our family but to no avail they couldn't get it or they just don't like the idea or the responsibility that goes with it. I would then again remind myself - "oks lang yan, no pressure, kalma lang pero umiiyak pa ako pagkatapos".There were days also when I would feel a sudden loneliness and then I would pray, a little more time to heal Lord, "kaya ko to". Another prayer I ask God was to bring back the simple joys in my life. "Yung parang bata lang na may simpleng kaligayahan." and thankful that it was granted.

               True enough, as what the bible says in Ecclesiastes 3:1-8 -There is a time for everything; 

           1"For everything there is a season, and a time for every [a]purpose under heaven: 2 a time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up that which is planted; 3 a time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up; 4 a time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance; 5 a time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together; a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing; 6 a time to seek, and a time to lose; a time to keep, and a time to cast away; 7 a time to rend, and a time to sew; a time to keep silence, and a time to speak; 8 a time to love, and a time to hate; a time for war, and a time for peace."

God Bless Everyone! Have a great day ahead!

Back to My Realization

            Hi guys! Good morning bloggers!I  know that some of you are wondering why I stopped posting about my life updates lately. I actually lost my interest in writing - It's just that for me - "It doesn't make sense at all". I cannot find a sensible topic where I can "walk my talk". I had more than 10 drafts but I couldn't finish any of them. My life became like the song " Que Sera Sera - (whatever will be, will be), no dreams to pursue, no goals to achieve, nothing to look forward to - just living an ordinary life with my family and friends is enough until...something happened to my niece (daughter of my cousin) that hit me hard again both emotionally and mentally.

        

            She was only 21 years old when she was diagnosed with ovarian cancer stage 1c (we both have the same cancer stage) last year. She was rushed to a public hospital where she underwent surgery (left ovary removed). As her mother narrated- after the operation she was so optimistic as she signed an agreement that a group of student doctors will do a research on her, she was full of hope saying - "Gagaling naman ako Ma, okay lang."

           Sadly, the first set of chemo drugs (3 cycles of chemo session) didn't work out on her (tumor marker went up). The second set of chemo drugs (same drugs that was administered to me) didn't work also (tumor marker went higher). On the third chemo drugs that was administered to her, di na nya kinaya bumigay ang lungs nya." She died.

           When I attended her wake, her mother was sharing the experience they had to go through just to have a free drugs and hospitalization but with utmost regret on her last session saying "Sana di na lang nila tinuloy, alam na nilang matindi ung line 3 na gamot, tinuloy pa rin, nagtuturuan, papalit palit ng doctor, pagkagraduate ng doctor iba na naman , parang walang nakatutok na doctor e, antay lang kami kung kelan tawagan. Sana di ko na lang siya pinachemo-tumagal pa sana ang buhay nya- nakapag enjoy pa sana at napakain ko pa sana sya ng gusto nyang pagkain." One of the last few words my niece utter before she died that day was -" Ma, papatayin yata talaga ako ng mga doctor dito."

            It really broke my heart when I learned that she passed away as I was mentoring and encouraging her to fight her illness and assuring her that she will be healed since her cancer was in an early stage pa. A day before her chemo, I was just chatting with her, then a day after her chemo , she passed away-It was so sudden. Listening to her mothers' story I felt really sad and I was crying silently because I couldn't imagine how my niece was able to bear the pain knowing that the doctors lack focus on her situation. I got nothing against doctor practicing their profession in a public hospitals, it's just that I also know how hard it was to battle cancer with all the pain that she had gone through - from the side effects of the drugs- the balding of the hair was the most obvious but the easier one for me, the hardest part was the whole process-the needles, the blood transfusions, the laboratories, the unexplainable pain inside physically, emotionally and mentally. I do understand that our country lacks medical workers and how hard their job is but my sympathy right now belongs to my poor niece. If I were in her situation I wouldn't be able to face my illness with such courage.

            Her mother told us that Allea never blamed God since the beginning of her battle to cancer and continued to hold on to her faith until the last moment. With high hopes of healing, she had lots of plans and dreams ahead but time was not on her side anymore. I praise and admire her courage. As for me, I guess I need to rewire and retune my life again. Some of the old me was lost while starting my new life after my battle with cancer.

            As for Allea, thank you so much dear for bringing me back to my realization - that life is a gift and not a right. Knowing how kind, obedient and responsible daughter she was "sobrang bait daw talaga ng batang yun", I guess God made sure to secure "His angel".

            As for the medical system in our country, I hope that our government will give more focus on improving it and as for the doctors and medical workers I pray that God will continue to bless them with more strength and wisdom in attending the medical needs of Filipino people.

            Thank God for giving me another time and opportunity to live my life again and making me realize its value. God bless everyone. Have a great day ahead!

             

PS. For respect and privacy of my deceased niece - I prefer not to post our photo here but if we are friends in facebook you can see her in my account.