Hello Philippines and Hello Blogging World!!!
It's been a while since I last wrote a post, "alam nyo naman may pinagdaanan tayo."
It took me a little while again to be at a right frame of mind to write another post here.
But before I get to my topic let me greet you all
"A Blessed Merry Christmas and a Prosperous New Year."
and share to you a great news and an advance Christmas gift from God,
"Nag clear na po ang CT Scan ko, CA 125 is in normal range level at pati Xray ko po clear na rin."
My last post is about anxiety and depression that I went through for the last few months. It is actually an emotional pain which is twice more than the physical pain that our body can suffer whenever we experience it. Yes two times or more, simply because it takes both mental and physical resistance to battle our emotions. Most of the times, we actually know what is right and easily say what should be the right thing to do but our hearts can't actually accept that fact and our physical body won't respond with what our mind is telling us to do. True enough, I've been there-done that process.
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I usually say "Ano ba yan, ang tanga naman nya, ang sarap kayang mabuhay tapos sila magsu-suicide lang, eh mayaman naman sya, maganda rin at mayaman pa." or ano ba yan lalaki lang yan,? or ano ba yan ang babaw naman nya, para yan lang ang problema nya, or lastly, "Ang pangit pangit naman nya bakit mo sya iniiyakan?" Sorry for the harsh words but I was really that kind of person before. I have witnessed twice when somebody attempted suicide and I was speechless and couldn't say a word to them to encourage them because at the back of my head I was thinking, "ang bababaw naman nitong mga taong ito."
That was before but when I experienced it three months ago - my point of view changed. When I learned about my boyfriend cheating on me and breaking up on him, somehow triggered all my frustrations and disappointments in life again, questioning GOD why it had to happen to me. I ask HIM what did I do wrong that I had to undergo all those sufferings. I was suffering silently and keeping everything all by myself. Getting up in the morning and taking a bath is so hard. I couldn't barely walk outside, whenever I look around it felt so lonely. I couldn't find any reason or purpose of my existence on earth as I have been telling God, "Lord, bakit di ko makita ang sarili ko, para saan pa?, para ano pa ang mabuhay? I couldn't sleep for a whole month & I couldn't eat for almost two months. My body weight lost almost 3 kgs and my mind has been restless since then. "Yung tipong lutang ka physically and mentally pero parang may nakadagan na sampung kilo sa dibdib , isang pitik lang sa akin tutumba na ko, paulit ulit yung feeling of worthlessness ko to the point na ipinagdarasal ko na kunin na ko ni Lord konti na lang mag-snap na yung utak at kapag nag-snap there's a possibility of losing my mind and myself also.
Now I understand why there are people who suffer depression. It so hard to battle depression because the battle is inside YOU. You should fight your own emotion to reinforce your physical condition. Without food, sleep and other physical activity that our body needs, our mental state will definitely suffer giving into the worst emotion that can finally trigger our own self to give up on life.
That's depression and it needs understanding first to know what we're going through and encouragement to support us as we go to the process of healing.
This is purely base on my personal experience and I hope it can help others to understand what a person is going through in times of depression.
Till then.
Have a great day ahead!
God Bless Everyone.